Antique county map of MONMOUTHSHIRE by Henry Cooper for Benjamin Capper 1808

Antique county map of MONMOUTHSHIRE by Henry Cooper for Benjamin Capper 1808

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What I liked: -Murray encourages parents not to react identically to all "infractions." Children misbehave in different ways and certain behaviors are not as bad as others. It's straight up bad parenting to react the same way in every occasion (e.g. breaking a lamp while rough housing is not the same as cheating on a test at school and should not be addressed identically. "disobedience" is not a catch-all "sin"). -Murray encourages parents to consider developmental abilities (toddlers are toddlers and it is not immoral for them to act like toddlers) and different personalities (perfectionists might seem more well-behaved than their artsy free spirited siblings, but it's just because perfectionists feel more at home in rigidity, while such rigidity suffocates a free spirit). What I didn't like: -Murray acts like she doesn't care whether you spank (she makes one small reference in the body of the book and waits to address spanking until an appendix at the end). However, it is clear that she is pro-spanking when she accuses non-spankers of falling into license or a lack of desire to discipline (the only thing spankers have to worry about is abuse, which is such a vague standard). Honestly this appendix really upset me because the rest of the book seemed so positive and powerful and it was disappointing to read after ALL THAT, basically the best discipline for young children is a spank. But I didn't want to drop the book's rating all the way down to a 2 or 3 because the body of the book really is helpful and much more positive than most conservative, Christian parenting books that automatically center every discipline discussion around "the rod."

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Reviewed in the United States on November 15, 2019

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Amazon Customer

Louisville, US

★★★★★ 5

I wish I had read this sooner.

Format: Kindle

This book helped not only my discipline strategies but my faith. I didn’t even realize that I was not raised in a grace-based discipline approach. I’m so thankful that this book helped to convict me on a few things so I can show my daughter God’s love for her more clearly. I loved her humor. Made it actually really enjoyable to read! Her details are what really helped me. I am the kind of person who learns best from specific examples; this book has some good ones. I loved that there weren’t any muddy concepts and it didn’t get too theoretical type so I could actually understand.

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Reviewed in the United States on September 18, 2019

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LAM

Chelsea, US

★★★★★ 5

Excellent resource for Christian parents raising the next generation!

Format: Paperback

I am currently researching and reading materials for a book I’m writing regarding how to build a strong foundation in children before the age of 10. I’ve read quite a few books so far, and I have to say one of my favorites is Grace Based Discipline. The author has done an excellent job, and and her witty humor makes this an enjoyable read! Because of this book, I am ordering the other books that her and her father have written!

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Reviewed in the United States on March 29, 2020

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Ashley

Whiting, US

★★★★★ 5

Finally, a practical parenting book!

Format: Kindle

Prior to reading this book, I didn’t feel confident in my approach to discipline. I would read parenting advice from different sources and sway back and forth from one extreme to the other—overly strict to too lenient. The approach of grace based disciple is balanced. The author recognizes that children will act like children and we shouldn’t expect them all to act like little robots. However, they still need discipline (not punishment!) for their misbehavior. She gave very practical lists of what consequences work best at each age and for each personality type, and went beyond that to say how to truly address the deeper issues associated with the misbehavior. If you are wondering about her view on spanking (because most authors take a very strong stance on this) I think this book is very beneficial no matter which camp you are in. In the appendix, the author addresses spanking in a nonjudgmental way. She gives cautions if you decide to use spanking, and gives cautions if you decide not to use it. My only criticism of this book is that one chapter talks about how we need to recognize the “home country” (personality) of each member of our household and she suggests using an assessment to determine what “country” your child is from. However, you must pay separately for the assessment and it isn’t cheap. This idea of what “country” you and your children are from is referenced again and again in the book so I feel like it should have been included in the appendix. However, this book is still worth it. Don’t let that keep you from buying it.

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Reviewed in the United States on June 29, 2018

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E Tolentino

Draper, US

★★★★★ 3

Mixed feelings

Format: Paperback

I had the opportunity to finish this book in one day of reading, while my 3 kids spent the day with grandparents. It is a very easy read, very accessible. Karis' style is very informal and she employs a lot of humor (and hyperbole), and that may be refreshing for some, though I found it distracting. I hope my criticisms will not be taken too harshly, and am certainly glad that others have found it inspiring or enlightening! We desperately need more grace based parenting in our homes and churches as we strive to undo the influence and damage of the punitive methods that have marred the face of Christian culture for so long! We need more books like this, that can reach every believing parent where they are, and inspire them to parent with the same grace and wisdom our Heavenly Father employs! All that said, this was my experience reading the book: I felt the numerous anecdotes take up valuable space and time that would be better spent digging into passages of the Word and working through practical application. I was disappointed to not find a whole lot of either. If you are well-read on child development and "alternative" methods of discipline and childrearing (from those considered to be in the "anti-spanking camp"), you will find nothing new here. I didn't care for the rebranding of the classic four temperments and promoting supplemental Family Matters products... You can easily find many free tools and information reguarding personality psychology on the internet, and you will have a much deeper understanding. But personality is a shifty thing in youth anyway, and if you are not inclined to pursue that kind of study, I promise that simply resolving to spend more unstructured time with your children, to slow down and observe them at work or play, to listen with full attention, considering their perspective before answering or judging, you will learn more than what could ever be summerized in a personality type. Pegging a child in any brand of personality typing has it's own drawbacks. It can promote unfair assumptions, lead to misunderstandings, and cause confusion when trying to understand more subtle or complex behaviors and attitudes. I appreciate her reasoning for not digging into the spanking issue in the main content of the book, setting that aside in the appendix in the back. She does a good job highlighting what gracious spanking looks like if you choose to do so. I am of a similar opinion that it is not a crucial point of doctrine and isn't always an issue of abuse or neglect either. It truly is a parent's prerogative and responisibility to consider the Word and the research and their own consience on the matter. If you do spank, follow her guidelines and you will not go wrong! I did find her characterizations of non-spankers, like myself, a bit condescending ("lazy", "fearful"), but to be fair she is addressing the extreme. If only you knew how much effort and time in research and reflection many of us sacrifice to employ better methods! It is very proactive approach and it is difficult work! I think she could have done a better job to include an objective summery of arguments in both camps for better understanding, but I really appreciate her exhorting those in both camps to avoid contention and judgement. It should never be an issue that causes us to break fellowship with a brother or sister! There is a good chapter on what she calls the "3 P's", a helpful framework for discerning the whole truth of God's word. But as far as parenting goes, personally, I didn't find anything new or particularly helpful here. I will be gifting this to a good friend/newer mom who will likely get more out of it than I did. Maybe you will too!

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Reviewed in the United States on July 24, 2018