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This is an excellent discussion of how we ourselves change/mature and how we can love others well on their unique journey. And unique is stressed here - he's a counselor and well knows that people are unique and deserve and require unique counsel. We all receive love differently, in the specific moment and in the specific stage of life and circumstance. His theology is sound and his writing is oh so very clear and beautiful. I almost weep with joy at some of his deep reflections. His "own story" chapters are very insightful as samples of how he and we move from a place we don't want to be (unloving and selfish) to where we can be (loving other well). It's less of a checklist of how to do this than an observation of what's happened in his life and others. It can give a teachable heart a boost of self-compassion and compassion for others.

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Reviewed in the United States on May 31, 2017

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Rachel

San Leandro, US

★★★★★ 5

Must read

Format: Paperback

One of the best theology books I’ve ever read. Very beautifully written and deeply needed in this generation.

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Reviewed in the United States on March 30, 2026

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Amazon Customer

Lowell, US

★★★★★ 5

Need people less, love them more.

Format: Paperback

I just finished this book. AWESOME!!! I got the book simply because of the title and one phrase that hit me hard. "We have to learn to need people less and love them more." The introduction is such that it gets you excited about what you are about to read. But then, the first few chapters, you almost feel as if you've been deceived. But he's just setting things up. I don't think I've ever read a book that continues to get better as you read it. The best part of the book is the last section of the last chapter. Get it. Read it. You will benefit. I promise. Learn to need people less and love them more as you begin decrease your fear of man and increase your fear of the Lord.

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Reviewed in the United States on September 9, 2024

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J. E. Marlin

New York, US

★★★★★ 5

Please Please Read This Book!

Format: Paperback

I bought this recent copy for a teen I know who I felt it would help, but I first read When People Are Big years ago. It is so, so helpful for breaking out of the self-absorption that comes with a variety of human conditions, including victimization, being introverted, neurodivergent, socially fearful, or just plain old-fashioned proud, vain, or narcissistic. Obviously, a book can't do that all by itself, but it can point you on the path to stop fearing people and caring, in the wrong way, what they think of you. The book is well-balanced, not blaming people who have been victimized for the challenges they face, but also not leaving them trapped in pain like so much psychological theory does. The book is written for professing Christians, since ultimately, Jesus is the only Way out of all of this. But if you are not a Christian, I still recommend you try reading it for a refreshing new approach to a familiar problem.

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Reviewed in the United States on November 25, 2025

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Christian customer

Lexington, US

★★★★★ 4

Fear God, that is the whole duty of man

Format: Kindle

A little religiosity toward the end felt like your own effort combined with Christ's, but over all a good perspective on how we view our circumstances of people and God.

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Reviewed in the United States on August 14, 2023